Wow! Brrrrmmmmmm! Look at that hot hatch! I’ll have a bit of that! It’s fast. It’s got a model acronym choc full of sexy constonants (including an ‘X’!). I could rip around the place in that little bugger. It ‘Shortens straights’. It ‘straightens corners’. None of that roundabout nonsense for me – Straight over, s*d everyone, blast down the street. 30 mph is for sissies. This thing was meant for more.
I can’t help but be thoroughly unimpressed by this advert. It’s not materially different to marketing or lots of other cars, but that’s the point. These cars – looking at the size, ostensibly around town cars – are marketed as being fast, agile, dynamic machines. Just want you (don’t) want around town then, which is full of roundabouts, zebra crossings, pedestrians and children. No wonder impressionable young people grow up and want to treat their local neighbourhood like a scalectrix track. This particular billboard in Llandaff North is right next to another advert, this time for a Kia, promising more high speed cornering.
Isn’t it about time marketing people and car manufacturers grew up a bit? You can’t be an adolescent for the whole of your life surely? Just in case they’re short of ideas, I’ve devised a little advert for my own vehicle.
There we go. Pretty bloody honest and does what it says on the tin. Handy when I’ve got to carry loads of stuff, loads of kids or travel ridiculously long distance and the public transport system doesn’t stack up (not all that often then). Ready when you are Saatchi and Saatchi.
The sad thing is, boy racer style advertising must shift cars, or the marketing companies would be forced to change tack. If drivers really want to shorten straights and straighten corners, I suggest taking up motor car racing on a registered track where they can risk their own necks to their heart’s content, or buy themselves a PlayStation and enjoy all those pixelated thrills. Better still, take up mountain biking, cyclo-cross or criterium racing and sort their fitness out at the same time.
As you can see this stuff gets me irrationally ratty. But then I was knocked down twice as a child, have lost 5 family pets to speeding motor cars and personally know of several cyclists killed or injured in accidents with cars.